As a blogger you are advised to stay away from writing anything ‘negative’, apparently your readers are not interested anything negative.
However, l have decided to go ahead and write about this powerful story, with my client Claire's permission.
My Claire's message is for people to start talking about the emotional burden of being a caregiver.
A caregiver is someone who for whatever reasons starts looking after or becomes main caregiver for your loved one, either your mother, father wife, son, daughter, husband or friend.
This is Claire's journey:
“ started with an optimism of ‘l will sail through this short period of caregiver role with ease’, after all l have decades of nursing experience and more importantly it's an honour, duty, obligation and culturally expected that being a female l would take on this role of caring for my elderly mother after my father passed away.
Very soon, as a full time caregiver, the initial optimism was replaced with varying degrees of strong emotions. Emotions which went up and down, not just on daily but almost on hourly basis. Certainly not expecting this emotional onslaught, it soon occurred to me that:
Nobody talks about the ‘negative emotions’ of being a caregiver. We all know of someone that provides care for their loved ones, yet they never openly talk about how they feel or the emotions which comes with being a caregiver.
Emotions that creep up, emotions that you want to bury or pretend you are not feeling. Emotions that you’re afraid to express because you’re worried that others may judge you or worse still, you will judge yourself.
Nobody talks about the mixed feelings you have of being a caregiver, both not wanting the role and at same time experiencing feelings of gratitude that you are the ‘chosen one’ caring for your loved one.
Nobody talks about how impatient you feel when the person you are caring for is so slow at doing everything from waking up late, eating breakfast slowly or even again walking to the bathroom without using their walking frame.
Nobody talks about how you live in constant fear of ‘things going wrong' and waiting for ‘what if’s moments’.
Nobody realises how you hold yourself totally responsible for the person you are caring for, almost as if their life depends on you.
Nobody talks about feelings of grief you are experiencing everyday because the person you are caring for is no longer the same person you once knew or how helpless you feel of seeing their health decline slowly.
Nobody talks about days when you feel immense frustrations or even anger towards the person you are caring for.
Nobody talks about the anxiety you feel. Feel as if you just can’t cope and want to just run away from this situation.
Nobody talks about how guilty you feel because you feel you are not doing enough or worse you want an end to this situation.
Nobody talks about how irritable or short-tempered you become, even towards those who are supporting you in this journey.
Nobody talks about the immense guilt you feel. Feeling of guilt because you have sneaked out for few hours to get away.
Nobody talks about the deep sense of sadness you are feeling, sense of hopelessness or start crying for no reason.
Nobody talks about your loneliness, the fact you have no time to meet your friends, go out to socialise and stop going away on holidays.
Nobody talks about the career or job you’ve had to give up, not earning an income, stopped contributing financially and almost grieving over your monetary worth.
Nobody talks about how you resent your family, sisters, brothers, husband or wife for not sharing your burden of being a caregiver . “
My client’s message is LET’S START TALKING
Talking Will Result In Finding Solutions
Claire reached out to Satya Hypnotherapy to build her emotional resilience. Today Claire tells me she is forever grateful for being a caregiver because apart from all the emotional upheaval she has felt, she also treasures the immense feelings of gratitude and honour this experience has brought her and in doing so feels much stronger person today.
Each caregivers needs are different, constantly changing with situations and with time. What may work today may not be enough for tomorrow.
Caregivers shout out for everyone to hear what help you need to effectively continue to care for your loved one. Surround your self with an army of supporters. There are numerous organisations, charities, counsellors, psychotherapies and other forms of resources you can reach out for help:
General Practitioner
Home/Community Health Services
Nursing Home or Assisted Living facilities
Respite Care
Private Home care/aides services
Caregivers Support Groups
Agency of Aging
National Organisations
Friends/ Good Neighbours /Family
Being a caregiver is a journey, filled with gratitude, honour and resilience.
Satya Therapy is here for any caregiver who wants emotional support
Call NOW 07721 955871 or drop me an email: dhajindershakir@gmail.com